Compiled Communication Tools Handbook
Your all purpose relationship & communication first aid kit…
I highly recommend you print it out (one copy for each person!) and keep it handy. Yes, you can keep a copy of the whole thing or favorite sheets on your fridge, coffee table, in your purse or briefcase, or a copy of the PDF on your phone. Reach for it at the first sign of turbulence and find something to experiment with! Reach for me when you’re stuck…

This Beautiful Full Color 20 Page PDF is my gift to you


You may share it freely with friends, but please do not sell, distribute publicly, or alter in any way.


Thank you for respecting this.

And here’s my 5 Step Trigger Remedy Flow:

1. Notice you are triggered (and own it as your state)
Take stock, give yourself ’emergency self-empathy‘, tell your partner if appropriate. Get off or slow down the ‘freight train’ of your stories, narratives, & interpretations, bring your attention back to what you are feeling & needing.

2. Triage (Reality Check)
Are you in fact safe now, physically & emotionally? What immediate outer adjustments are needed? Make requests or move away from triggering situations. No explanation or justification needed, if it’s triggering you, ask for it to please stop for now, or move away.

3. Self Care
Immediate and/or long term, shallow and/or deep. Self-empathy, time-out, self-soothing, grounding, expressing emotion/energy safely & responsibly. Both passive & active. Passive: take a bath, non-sexual holding, lay down on the grass or bed. (Anything that would make a baby/your body feel safe and relax.) Active: run around the block, pound a pillow, scream in a pillow, dance, exercise. (Move your energy, express yourself.)

4. Communicate your Needs/Desires/Longings/Values
Communicate in ways that are likely to move you towards ‘getting more of what you DO want’. This is a skill. It’s good form to start with empathy for others, and owning your needs & desires as your own. Be open to any answer, if one person cannot meet your needs, move forward to meet them yourself in other ways or with other people. Look to open more possibility and mutuality.

Remember: “States Before Statements“. That means put your attention on your state, to take stock of how triggered you are, before deciding how to respond to anything your partner is saying. It also means speaking to your partner’s state. What are they feeling and needing? How can you offer empathy and reassurances that could help them feel better, before replying to their statements. 

5. Get Help If Needed
I’m always here, you’re welcome to reach out to me or to other skilled and trusted friends or professionals.

“I am amazed at how effective David’s methods are. By gently guiding me through difficult emotions and situations, he helped me achieve a powerful, trusting, and meaningful relationship with my partner as well as with myself. We are super happy with the work David has done with us, both individually and as a couple. I did not know it was even possible to have such a conscious, loving relationship but here we are- and David helped us get there! David, I cannot thank you enough!”
~ Aron S, Avian Zoologist

“You’re a gem. Thank you for seeing me so purely David”
~ Amanda

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